she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
