I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
