he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
