Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the day after is always just damage control
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
