everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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