haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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