I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
