oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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