I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dignity is for republicans.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
