I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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