She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
