I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
