My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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