just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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