He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
