do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
