It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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