So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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