matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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