that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
