Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize