I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
should my penis look like a turkey
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
