I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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