he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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