my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
