I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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