Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
