You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
