i permit you to call me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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