I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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