You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize