porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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