I want to walk on stilts...naked
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
