Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
