Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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