Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
