If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
