fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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