I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize