i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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