I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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