the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
