Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
