he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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