Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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