I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
