"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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