I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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