I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm both gender and math confused
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
