In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
