can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
