I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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