We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
