new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize