i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
