Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
