Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
