all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize