OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
