He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
