Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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