you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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