There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
