Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
