Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
pray to the hookup gods
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
