i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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