Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
