I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
