the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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