Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
