Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
