I'm really into asian looking animals
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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