Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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