i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
