I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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