What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
