sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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