Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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