She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Are we still banned from the library?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
