So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
