i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
