After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
