So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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