I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
