Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
