Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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