dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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