i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize