I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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