would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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