Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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