Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
