I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
