i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
