woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
