Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
